So yesterday I talked about what it means to be a Lay Dominican. Among other things, I said that it’s a vocation, something you’re called to. But how do you know whether you’re called to it or not?

I’ve been pondering that today, and I’ve got a few thoughts to share; but I hasten to say first that I can only speak authoritatively about my own experience, which is limited. Your mileage may vary considerably.

First, I think a strong desire is probably a good sign. I wanted to be a Lay Dominican as soon as I learned that there was such a thing; and that’s a desire that hasn’t gone away. And then, when I returned to the Church (which was, oddly, somewhat later), I wanted to make an additional commitment of the sort you make when you join a Third Order. I didn’t simply presume that the Lay Dominicans were for me; instead, I did some research. It turns out that the Dominicans, the Franciscans, the Carmelites, the Benedictines, the Jesuits, the Augustinians (the who?) all have third orders. It seemed reasonable to look into them. I was not at all attracted to the Franciscans, which is perhaps odd, as we’ve got lots of Franciscans in the area. Carmelite contemplation is attractive, at least in theory, and there are also Carmelites in our area. Next to the Dominicans I liked what I learned about the Benedictines most. Their motto, “prayer and work”, makes sense to me. Benedictines are also all about stability, blooming where you’re planted, and that describes me pretty well, too. And St. Andrew’s Abbey is within driving distance, and they have lots of oblates in this area. If there hadn’t been any Lay Dominicans in this area I might have gone that route.

But there were, and of course I looked them up first…and just kind of got stuck. Once I linked up with them, there seemed no reason to look further; I wanted to be a Dominican, and on acquaintance they wanted me to be a Dominican, and here we are. Point is, if you feel called to a deeper relationship with Christ, and the Third Orders have some appeal, it might be worth checking out the different varieties and finding out what your options are in your area. But if you feel called to a particular order, check that out first.

It seems to me that strong desire as a sign of vocation is not uncommon; both St. Therese of Lisieux and St. Edith Stein both had a passionate desire to be Carmelites for a long time before they were able to persuade anyone to agree with them. But that least phrase is key: a strong desire isn’t enough. There are lots of women in the news these days who have a strong, overwhelming desire to be Catholic priests, but the Church has said that it simply isn’t possible. And certainly there have been men who have been ordained priests, who wanted to be priests, who should never have been ordained. Desire isn’t enough; and discernment isn’t one-sided. While you’re discerning whether or not you’re called to a Third Order, the order in question is discerning the same thing. That’s their job.

An essential thing in all of this is obedience. By joining a Third Order, you’re promising to live according to a rule. If you’re not willing to be obedient to the rule, and to those over you in the order as called for by the rule, then you might want to think again.