It’s Quiet Out There. Too Quiet.

Fact is, I’ve been spending my time programming and playing video games. Goofing off. Added to that, Deb’s been remarkably lazy (Bad Deb–no cookie!) and hasn’t sent me any book reviews to post. So things have been quiet around here.

I’m reading two books I hope to finish soon, Scream for Jeeves, and Russian Bride;
the former is the Lovecraft/Wodehouse parody I bought a while back; I’d put off reading it while working on my own. Mine has been dead in the water for a while, though, so it’s time.

Russian Bride is a bound galley of a forthcoming book that the author sent me to review; I’ll have more about it when I’m done, but for now I’ll just say that it’s a really unpleasant, true, story.

So, more later.

A Mist of Prophecies, by Steven Saylor

This is the latest of Saylor’s Roma Sub Rosa series, a collection
of mystery novels set in ancient Rome in the waning days of the Roman
republic. The current installment is set in the period after
Caesar’s crossing of the Rubicon; Pompey, Caesar’s chief rival, has fled
to Greece, and Caesar and his legions have gone after him. Meanwhile,
things are chaotic in Rome itself; some support Pompey, some support
Caesar, prices have gone through the roof, and only the bankers and big
landlords are doing well. If Caesar defeats Pompey–or, alternatively,
if Pompey defeats Caesar–it’s clear that things will calm down.

But what if Caesar and Pompey both die in battle, far from Rome? What
then? There’s a slim possibility that a clever, ambitious man could sweep
into power on the wings of a popular revolution. Marcus Caelius thinks
he just might be that man.

As always, Saylor’s viewpoint character is Gordianus the Finder, the man
Cicero called “the last honest man in Rome.” Gordianus is getting on in
years, and his son Eco is doing most of the finding these days; Gordianus
spends most of his time tending his garden or hanging out in the Forum
listening to the other geezers belittle each others’ politics. He doesn’t
want to get involved with rebellion; he just wants to live comfortably
and enjoy his children and grandchildren.

And then a strange woman comes to Rome. She has no memory of her past;
because she occasionally falls into fits and utters strange prophecies,
she is soon dubbed “Cassandra”. She is strange, and unkempt, and
beautiful, and Gordianus, for all his years, is captivated.

And then she is murdered. Gordianus gives her a funeral, since no one
else comes forward–and seven of Rome’s most notable women attend,
briefly, on her funeral pyre. Why? Why was she murdered? And who killed
her? It falls, naturally, to Gordianus to find out, as revolution brews in the
streets of Rome.

Alas, I don’t find Gordianus as compelling as I once did. He’s become
rather a sad sack; paint him dreary. And then, although Saylor’s
focus on historical events lends the Gordianus books much of their
interest, it’s also a problem. Each book involves some crux in the Roman
political record, and that means that the books are never really about
Gordianus or his doings at all. It’s also why Gordianus is so old and
tired only eight books into the series; there are only so many major
political upheavals in one man’s life span.

So what can I say? The book was published in 2002, and it’s been
knocking around the house for ages; I only picked it up because I
was going to be waiting at the airport for an hour or so, and it was
more or less the first paperback I put my hand on as I was going out the
door. It didn’t disappoint me–I’m not sorry I read it–but I’m not
terribly excited about it either.

It’s Not You

But I’ve disabled comments on the blog for the time being. I started getting bombed with truly vile comment spam about twenty minutes ago, at a rate of one new message every seven seconds. I’ll try enabling comments again some time tomorrow, and we’ll see what happens.

Spinsters in Jeopardy, by Ngaio Marsh

This is the next of Marsh’s Inspector Alleyn mysteries, and I’m afraid
it’s aged very badly.

Alleyn, his wife, and their little boy Ricky (his first
appearance, as it happens) take a vacation to the south of France.
Alleyn’s mixing business with pleasure; while Troy and Ricky are having
fun, he’s going to be helping the Sureté bust up a drug ring. Tied in
with the drug ring, possibly, are the denizens of the Chateau of the
Silver Goat, the owner of which is the leader of what we’d now call a
New Age cult. It’s a scam, of course, at least mostly, but the cult
leader uses the drugs to keep control over his small flock.

And this is where it gets dated. The two drugs mentioned in the book are
heroin and marijuana, tellingly spelled “marihuana”. Heroin is no joke,
even now, but for the rest this spills over into Reefer Madness
territory. The pinnacle comes during an occult ritual which Alleyn has
infiltrated; there are six other participants. Each attendee is given a
“reefer” to smoke; through a little sleight of hand, Alleyn substitutes
one of his own cigarettes.

Now, really. I’ve never smoked either tobacco or marijuana myself (I was
always a goody-two-shoes) but I know what they both smell like, and if
Alleyn had lit up a normal cigarette in this situation, you can’t tell me
that the other six wouldn’t have noticed the difference.

The book does have some fun moments, including one delightful scene where
Alleyn comes over all Cary Grant and loses his temper with a slimy French
executive, but the first half of the book is a bit of a slog.

The Eccentricity Inventory

Courtesy of Lynn Sislo, I discovered the
Táncos Cultural Eccentricity Inventory,
which I had to do because I knew more of the choices on
this list than on Terry Teachout’s. And also, I don’t have any books to write about tonight.

1. Philip K. Dick or Robert Heinlein?
2. Winsor McCay or George Herriman?
3. Crimson or scarlet?
4. Cream or Hendrix?
5. Francesco di Giacomo or Jon Anderson?
6. Cordwainer Smith or Isaac Asimov?
7. Mammillaria or Euphorbia?
8. Jacqui McShee or Maddy Prior? Actually, I have no idea
who Jacqui McShee is, but Maddy Prior–I saw Maddy Prior play at
McCabe’s Guitar Shop once. I have many, many albums on which she sings. She is very, very good.

9. The Dream (Ashton) or A Midsummer Night’s Dream (Balanchine)
10. Austrian Copper or Peace?
11. A Wizard of Earthsea or Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone?
12. Thunderstorms or snow?
13. Heath Robinson or Rube Goldberg?
14. The Face in the Frost or Stormbringer?
15. Muriel Spark or J.F. Powers?
16. Penrose tiles or the Mandelbrot set?
17. 3 Mustaphas 3 or the Klezmer Conservatory Band?
18. Steve Morse or Steve Vai?
19. Photography: black and white or color?
20. Four o’clocks or vinca?
21. Mountains or beaches?
22. Minimoog or DX7?
23. Chesterton or Belloc?
24. Stand Up or Aqualung? But a very tough choice.
25. Walnut or oak?
26. Chocolate: dark or milk?
27. Bill Nelson or Bryan Ferry?
28. Edward Koren or George Booth?
29. Terry Pratchett or Tom Sharpe?
30. Donald Barthelme or John Barth?
31. Randy Newman or Richard Thompson?
32. Stapeliads or orchids?
33. McCartney or Lennon?
Bonus question: “Simple Gifts” or “Amazing Grace”? Another toughie

That’s 20 answers, which according to the author of the inventory means that the magnitude of my eccentricity is 61%, while my specific choices indicate that the quality of my eccentricity is 60%. Whatever that means.

Inconceivable!

There’s a delightful scene in The Princess Bride where Inigo Montoya and Westley are dueling at the top of the Cliffs of Madness (or whatever the heck they were called) and they are tossing the names of great masters of the sword back and forth.

I assumed that William Goldman made it all up, but it turns out that all of the masters they named were real people. Tenser, Said the Tensor has the scoop (and links to some of their writings).

The Teachout Cultural Concurrence Index

I don’t usually do these things, but what the heck. If Ian can do it, so can I.

1. Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly?
2. The Great Gatsby or The Sun Also Rises? Cannery Row
3. Count Basie or Duke Ellington? Fats Waller
4. Cats or dogs?
5. Matisse or Picasso?
6. Yeats or Eliot? Carroll
7. Buster Keaton or Charlie Chaplin?
8. Flannery O’Connor or John Updike?
9. To Have and Have Not or Casablanca?
10. Jackson Pollock or Willem de Kooning?
11. The Who or the Stones?
12. Philip Larkin or Sylvia Plath?
13. Trollope or Dickens?
14. Billie Holiday or Ella Fitzgerald?
15. Dostoyevsky or Tolstoy?
16. The Moviegoer or The End of the Affair?
17. George Balanchine or Martha Graham?
18. Hot dogs or hamburgers?
19. Letterman or Leno?
20. Wilco or Cat Power?
21. Verdi or Wagner?
22. Grace Kelly or Marilyn Monroe?
23. Bill Monroe or Johnny Cash?
24. Kingsley or Martin Amis?
25. Robert Mitchum or Marlon Brando?
26. Mark Morris or Twyla Tharp?
27. Vermeer or Rembrandt?
28. Tchaikovsky or Chopin?
29. Red wine or white?
30. Noel Coward or Oscar Wilde?
31. Grosse Pointe Blank or High Fidelity?
32. Shostakovich or Prokofiev?
33. Mikhail Baryshnikov or Rudolf Nureyev?
34. Constable or Turner?
35. The Searchers or Rio Bravo?
36. Comedy or tragedy?
37. Fall or spring?
38. Manet or Monet?
39. The Sopranos or The Simpsons?
40. Rodgers and Hart or Gershwin and Gershwin?
41. Joseph Conrad or Henry James? Stella Gibbons
42. Sunset or sunrise?
43. Johnny Mercer or Cole Porter?
44. Mac or PC?
45. New York or Los Angeles?
46. Partisan Review or Horizon?
47. Stax or Motown?
48. Van Gogh or Gauguin?
49. Steely Dan or Elvis Costello?
50. Reading a blog or reading a magazine?
51. John Gielgud or Laurence Olivier?
52. Only the Lonely or Songs for Swingin’ Lovers?
53. Chinatown or Bonnie and Clyde?
54. Ghost World or Election?
55. Minimalism or conceptual art?
56. Daffy Duck or Bugs Bunny?
57. Modernism or postmodernism? Can’t I pick something else?
58. Batman or Spider-Man?
59. Emmylou Harris or Lucinda Williams?
60. Johnson or Boswell?
61. Jane Austen or Virginia Woolf?
62. The Honeymooners or The Dick Van Dyke Show?
63. An Eames chair or a Noguchi table? A Sam Maloof rocking chair
64. Out of the Past or Double Indemnity?
65. The Marriage of Figaro or Don Giovanni? The Pirates of Penzance
66. Blue or green?
67. A Midsummer Night’s Dream or As You Like It? Twelfth Night
68. Ballet or opera?
69. Film or live theater?
70. Acoustic or electric?
71. North by Northwest or Vertigo? Rear Window
72. Sargent or Whistler?
73. V.S. Naipaul or Milan Kundera?
74. The Music Man or Oklahoma?
75. Sushi, yes or no?
76. The New Yorker under Ross or Shawn?
77. Tennessee Williams or Edward Albee? Thornton Wilder
78. The Portrait of a Lady or The Wings of the Dove?
79. Paul Taylor or Merce Cunningham?
80. Frank Lloyd Wright or Mies van der Rohe? Greene and Greene
81. Diana Krall or Norah Jones?
82. Watercolor or pastel?
83. Bus or subway?
84. Stravinsky or Schoenberg?
85. Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?
86. Willa Cather or Theodore Dreiser?
87. Schubert or Mozart?
88. The Fifties or the Twenties?
89. Huckleberry Finn or Moby-Dick? Life on the Mississippi
90. Thomas Mann or James Joyce?
91. Lester Young or Coleman Hawkins?
92. Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman?
93. Abraham Lincoln or Winston Churchill?
94. Liz Phair or Aimee Mann?
95. Italian or French cooking?
96. Bach on piano or harpsichord?
97. Anchovies, yes or no?
98. Short novels or long ones?
99. Swing or bebop?
100. “The Last Judgment” or “The Last Supper”?

At this point I’m supposed to add up the number of left hand choices I made, and divide by the total number of choices I made, but I’m not gonna do that, especially since in a fair number of cases I rejected both of Teachout’s choices and inserted my own.

UPDATE: For the record, my score is 50%.

Gardens of the Moon, by Steve Erikson

One of my (few) complaints about The Lord of the Rings
involves the economics. The Shire evokes the simplicity of the
pre-industrial English countryside–but even that simple countryside
did not exist in a vacuum, and its inhabitants depended on trade for
much that they could not produce themselves. Tolkien mentions trade
now and then, when it suits his story, but it has always seemed tacked on
to me, not really a part of his world. And though those
simple English countryfolk might not travel more than ten miles
from their homes over the course of their entire lives, there
certainly were those who did. At a minimum, there was always contact
between neighboring countries. Yet in Middle Earth, even long-time
allies and next-door neighbors like Gondor and Rohan are so estranged
that there is little contact between them.

In short, people have a tendency to reproduce, and spread out, and
fill the available space. Realms have a way of butting up against
each other. When you think of it that way, Middle Earth seems
strangely empty, especially in the regions around the Shire.

Gardens of the Moon, by a new author named
Steve Erikson, is squarely at the opposite end of the
spectrum. It’s the first book in a projected ten-book series called the
Malazan Book of the Fallen, and there is little about it that’s
simple, least of all the geopolitical background. Indeed, I’m inclined to
call it the theogeopolitical background, because the Gods are very
definitely involved in human affairs, as if human affairs weren’t
complicated enough already. And I call them human affairs, although
there are at least five different intelligent races involved (none of
them, blessedly, elves, dwarves, or goblins).

To begin with, there’s the ever-expanding Malazan Empire, a
sort of magical police state ruled over by the Empress Laseen. Laseen,
the former head of the Claw (the Malazan secret police), killed
her predecessor and usurped the throne, and immediately purged as many
of the old Emperor’s supporters as she could; at least one reason for
the wars of expansion is to provide plentiful opportunities for the
remainder of the Malazan old guard to die in battle, far from the capital.
But that’s just part of the story.

One remnant of that old guard is the Bridgebreakers, a company of
the 2nd Army, now commanded by Dujek One-Arm. They were the backbone of
the army in the days of the old Emperor; of late they have been given
assignment after assignment designed to get them killed. And they are
tired of it. When they are ordered to infiltrate the city of Darujhistan
to prepare for a later Malazan, they decide to do it their own way.
But that’s just part of the story.

Then there is the city of Darujistan itself. Largest and wealthiest
of the Twelve Cities of Genabackis, it is the place where many and
diverse threads will come together. There’s the young fisher girl, now
posessed by Cotillion the Rope, and turned professional killer. There’s
the young thief, chosen tool of Oponn, the Twin God of Luck. There’s the
seemingly frivolus Kruppe, a man who speaks much nonsense and hears
everything of sense in Darujhistan. There’s the assassin who’s determined
to avenge the wrong done one of his friends, and the fop who aids him.
There are the councilmen who think they rules the city, and the cabal
who actually do. But that’s just part of the story.

Then there are the mages and alchemists, including an insane puppet with
a nasty sense of humor and a penchant for chaos. The magic they practice is
refreshingly novel in its details, which (delightfully) are never fully
explained. And one mustn’t forget the gods and demigods: Cotillion and
Oponn, already mentioned; Shadowthrone, King of the Shadow Warren and
lord of the Hounds of Shadow; Hood, the Lord of Death; Anomander Rake,
the Lord of Moon’s Spawn; any many others.

In passing, I’d like to point out the opportunities for some struggling
grad student to do a thesis on the evolving notions of godhood in fantasy
literature. The divide between the concepts of divinity in your
average modern fantasy novel and any religion practiced by real people has
(with a few exceptions) become a yawning chasm. But that’s a topic for
another time.

All in all, this is an amazingly rich and complicated book, and as it’s the
kind that doesn’t pander to the reader it took me a while to get into it.
Once I did, though, I was hooked. In fact, I ended up staying up late to
finish it (on a weeknight, no less), which doesn’t happen as often as
it once did. The climax was worth it, too.

So I was entertained. Beyond that, I’m not really sure what to say.
At times I was reminded of Fritz Leiber; at other times,
of George R.R. Martin.
The book is certainly better than many I’ve read, and might really be very good,
but it is so different from its nearest neighbors that I think I’ll
have to read it once or twice more (at judicious intervals) before I
know for sure. In any event, I’ll definitely be keeping an eye out
for the next book in the series.